A long time ago, my mother used to say that the twinkling stars are our loved ones who have left us. When we miss them desperately, they twinkle brightly in the sky to say, they miss us too. And today when my eyes fill with longing for her, I search those stars for the brightest one twinkling at me. Memories of her drench my eyes, and I stare up with yearning and loss. Now I’ll never get a chance to be a little girl again. I’ll never be able to lay my head on her lap and feel her hand on my hair, I’ll never be able to tell her how much I love her and miss her everyday.

Every little thing makes your loss all the more intense. Every big thing makes my yearning so consuming. I wish I could share them all with you. There is this vacuum you have left behind that no one can fill. I had never thought this day would ever come. That you would leave to that distance far away and never return; that I would never be able to see or hear you.

All those little memories from times immemorial that you hoarded in your heart, those were like treasures and treats they bestowed on us every Christmas, every birthday, every day. These made them so much more special and kept those bygone days alive. Now, who’s gonna remember them, who’s gonna remind us, who’s gonna weave them into beautiful stones?

Like the time I had taken my 10-month baby brother while my mom was in the bathroom, to search for dad on the street. I too was hardly 3 then. A neighboring aunt had seen us wandering and dragged up back, shouting and screaming, all the way home, her shouting, me screaming. I still remember you wondering how I managed to open the door like you did every single time.

This one still brings a smile, like the hundred others you loved to remember. I miss those days, I miss you more.

Your understanding, your laughter, your wicked sense of humor, then there’s your warmth, your love, your very presence. All of these are precious. They ask me what I miss about you. I say everything.